Hollywood Has Finally Run Out of Ideas
April 6th, 2006Recently, a coworker of mine showed me a trailer online that was so completely and utterly absurd, I instantly thought it was a comedy sketch. In fact, both he and I assumed it was a comedy sketch, until I read about it this morning in Newsweek. As it turns out, not only is the film real, but it is going to be relased this summer by New Line Cinema. The movie is entitled “SOAP”, which stands for “Snakes On A Plane”. The premise of this piece of cinematic feces is as follows:
On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who’s a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes. (from imdb.com)
I’m not kidding around. That is the entire plot outline for this wonderful piece of Hollywood schlock. And folks…I assure you…this is not fake. This is a real movie that was actually produced by New Line Cinema. It stars the omnipresent Samuel L. Jackson, as well as Kenan Thompson from SNL.
To see the absolutely ridiculous trailer, CLICK HERE.
When I first found out that this was a legitimate film which will be released nationwide this summer, I felt a little depressed. Had Hollywood really sunk to such a level? After thinking about it, however, I began to think that maybe this is a positively brilliant idea. Instead of always making films that tackle the large social and political issues of the day (i.e. - United 93, Brokeback Mountain, or World Trade Center), Hollywood has actually unleashed a piece of pure, unabashed, guilty entertainment. Cinematically, of course, it’s sure to be a steaming pile of fecal matter. That won’t deter me, however, as I plan on seeing this film on its opening weekend. You can judge me all you want, but I still say this movie has the potential to be the best (and by best, I mean worst) film of 2006. C’mon! Even the title is pure brilliance! “Snakes On A Plane”?
It’s genius!
Now if you’ll please excuse me, I have to get to work writing the screenplay for my original thriller that will come out next summer, entitled BOAT. It will star Samuel L. Jackson, of course, and stands for “Black On A Train”.
-Mark Annotto
www.armedandridiculous.com