LUDICROSITY

As I was crossing Broadway this afternoon to hit up a Duane Reade drugstore for toothpaste, I was trapped on the narrow pedestrian island between Broadway and 7th Avenue in the heart of Times Square. (I work in Times Square, so I’m forced to fight the throngs of humanity on a daily basis)

Anyhoo…while stranded on the concrete island as traffic zipped past on both sides, I was privy to an absolutely fantastic conversation between a family of tourists. (I’m assuming they were tourists because they had fanny packs on, the parents wore matching I HEART NY t-shirts, and all four spoke with southern accents)

What follows is a brief transcription of their enlightening conversation:

Father: How big is Times Square?

Mother: It’s pretty big. It’s the capital of New York City.

Son: No, it’s not. 42nd Street is the capital.

Daughter: New York City doesn’t have a capital. It is the capital.

Mother: Capital of what?

Daughter: New York.

Father: New York City is the state, so it has to have a capital.

Son: Exactly.

Daughter: New York City isn’t the state? So maybe New York “City” is just a nickname the locals gave it.

Father: I don’t think there are any locals. Almost everyone just visits.

Mother: I’m sure some people live here.

Son: I don’t know where they’d live. The city is just theatres, hotels, and restaurants.

Daughter: Maybe they rent rooms in the hotels?

** At this point, I actually walked in the wrong direction for two blocks so I could eavesdrop a bit more.

Mother: I’m sure they must. But I wonder where they do their laundry?

Father: Look at all the signs. It must be weird to have a big part of the city owned by stores.

Daughter: Dad, I don’t think stores own Times Square. I think they just rent space for their signs.

Mother: Oh.

Son: Where are all the homeless people we saw at the bus station?

Mother: I think they all get sent to Central Park during the day, so they don’t get in the way.

Daughter: Mom, that can’t be true. I think they just hide in the sewers.

Mother: That makes sense. I doubt they like sunlight.

Son: They live in the sewers? Ewww! That’s gross.

Father: I think this is the subway. We can buy tokens downstairs.

They then descended the staircase at 42nd Street outside the Gap, and I bid them a silent adieu. If I didn’t have to get back to work, I would have loved to just follow them and gain even more amazing insight into the minds of my fellow Americans. It was an extraordinarily educational 3 minutes that I won’t soon forget.

If I didn’t hear it myself, I wouldn’t believe it.

-Mark Annotto
www.armedandridiculous.com

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 2:06 pm and is filed under Ludicrosity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.